Genre: Crack, pure unbelievable crack
Warnings: Bad language, kiddies beware!
Note: The events described below of the computer incidents actually DID happen to me several years back and inspired me to write about it featuring my favorite characters from Rikkai~
“You’re crazy~” Niou was lying on your bed, propping himself up on his elbows as his aqua orbs followed his best friend as you paced back and forth.
“It’s not crazy, Niou.” You scoffed, sending a mild glare towards your companion. “It’s a fucking conspiracy!”
“Do you even hear yourself?” Marui was sitting next to Niou, legs crossed indian style with a bag of pink and blue cotton candy in his lap. He pinched off a piece of the blue sugar and popped it in his mouth. “Computers can not conspire against humans, baka!”
“Bullshit! Wasn’t there once a prophecy about robots taking over all of humanity?”
“You’re thinking of I, Robot, puri~”
“We’re not even talking about robots! We’re talking about a laptop.”
“It still counts damn it!”
“No, it doesn’t!”
“Yes, it does!”
The three Rikkaidai students turned their attention to the doorway of your bedroom where the yell had come from. Sanada was glaring at the pair of you, eyes narrowed in annoyance while Yukimura stood beside him with a small, gentle smile on his face. “What’s going on in here?”
You and Marui exchanged glances.
Niou chuckled, amused by the childish antics of his friends. “She’s convinced that her laptop is conspiring against her.”
“Are all high schoolers that dimwitted?” Sanada commented, leaning against the now closed bedroom door with his arms folded over his chest.
You scowled, glaring at the younger male. “Fuck you!”
“Dear,” Yukimura called, his tone calm but with a slight undertone of warning; he never did like it when you used such language. “Explain to me why you think that.”
“Gladly! It all started about two years ago…”
≀ Incident #1 – New Laptop ≀
It was your 15th birthday and you had been given the gift of a brand new Toshiba laptop. You were happy, naturally, since you had been wanting one for a long time.
Not even a week after you received it, you began to experience trouble with it. However, being the stubborn
fool person you are, you simply shrugged it off with the thought, “It will eventually go away”, a lot like any medical problem you have.
Anyway, as time passed, the problems with the computer got worse until, finally, the
stupid piece of crap thing stopped working and would not even turn on. So, you took said object to your local electronics store where the geeks could handle it, and find out what the problem was. Of course, you had the thought in mind that it may be a virus, but you seriously doubted that thought.
After weeks of
hell waiting, you finally got your computer back. Apparently, the hard drive had gone bad, or some stupid shit such as that.
Despite the fact that all of your shit was gone from said
stupid object, your computer was back and working. You were satisfied.
≀ Incident #2 – Internet Problems ≀
You had gotten an AT&T wireless laptop internet card. Now, it was good and it worked. Though, it was quite slow, you didn’t mind it. As long as it was internet, you were fine. However, said internet liked to cut off randomly and would not come back unless you completely shut down the computer and restarted it – and this didn’t always solve the problem.
Now, it was extremely annoying having to close down everything you were working on to restart it, get it working just for it to stop again 5 minutes later.
Finally, after many varying priced bills and annoying phone calls, you switched to a different internet provider. It was faster, more reliable, and happened to not cut off. You were happy once more.
≀ Incident #3 – More Computer Problems ≀
It’s almost like it had a mind of its own. One minute the CD/DVD drive is working, the next it’s not. It freezes constantly, is slow as shit and likes to piss you off by NOT WORKING.
Now, this often makes you feel like slamming your head against the wall, but you refrain and grind your teeth, trying to keep your bad temper under wraps.
≀ Incident #4 – Power Cord ≀
Now, you knew from the very beginning that Toshiba was a piece of shit, especially after all of the problems that you’ve had since day one. But you never expected the power cord to go berserk, as well. It started out where the cord only worked when you played with it and moved it to a certain angle. No big deal.
But then it started to get harder to get it to work, no matter what position you held it in. The problem, you guessed, was a short in the wiring just at the base of the tip that connected to the computer, not the plug. Anyway, it was fine, as long as it worked.
Until one day, when you moved it in an attempt to get it to work. You didn’t expect what happpened next.
The power cord shocked you and burned the palm of your hand, leaving a pure black mark in its wake. You had cursed in pain, unplugging the object and quickly throwing it on the ground. It had hit your cat, who was sitting in front of you. From there, it sparked and attempted to catch on fire. You unplugged it before that could happen.
Despite the pain in your hand and the annoyance you felt towards the cord, Toshiba refused to do anything. Sure, they put the case on high priority, but they never did shit about it, and they probably never will.
Now, the evidence is gone, and there’s no proof to show that the cord was dangerous in any way.
≀ Incident #5 – Sharing ≀
It was annoying having to share one cord between two laptops, one belonging to a college student while the other belonged to a person who had no life.
It didn’t help that the computer died within less than 10 minutes of no power (when it’s supposed to last around 6 hours). Only about 5 minutes after the other person took the cord, your computer died. And so, you were left to sit in your room with nothing to do. It was agonizing.
In the end, you managed to get another – universal – power cord, that worked on any computer; it had different attachments according to different brands.
Everything was fine and dandy once more.
≀ Incident #6 – Internet Cord ≀
Proof that life is indeed a bitch, just like it’s counterpart, Karma?
A sick joke, played out to someone’s amusement?
Did they know that you had no life and wanted to see just what would happen should they take away the one thing your life pretty much surrounds?
Apparantly, someone was seriously enjoying your misery.
One of the small wires inside of the ethernet cable connected to the modem somehow managed to snap; seriously, what are the chances of that? Now, when you fiddled with it, you managed to make the wires touch again and the internet worked… until you moved and it’d cut off again. Much like the power cord incident, if you messed with it, you could get it to work. This time, no matter what you did, you just couldn’t get it to work. Instead, you said “screw it” and went to bed.
≀ Incident #6.5 – Internet Cord (Part 2) ≀
Thankfully, you managed to get a new ethernet cord…. the problem this time? It was too short, and you honestly did NOT feel like sitting in the closet just to use your computer. So, you went back and got the only longer one they had, which happened to be a used one.
It worked and you now have internet without a problem, but you can’t help but wonder, “How long will it last? And what disaster will happen next?”
A very good question indeed.
.::*::. .::*::. .::*::. .::*::.
“Do you see? Do you see what I mean? What’re the chances of that?!” You fell down on the bed in between Marui and Niou, lying on your back and letting out an exasperated sigh.
“When you put it that way… it does kind of sound like a conspiracy against you. Almost like the computer is recruiting the others to piss you off.” Marui commented, popping another piece of cotton candy into his mouth while absent mindedly staring up at the ceiling.
“And it’s working!”
Yukimura sighed, his hand resting on his forehead in a ‘facepalm’ position. He pinched the bridge of his nose, his head throbbing from the tale that you had told. He couldn’t help but wonder, what was wrong with you?
“It’s probably just a coincidence.”
“Coincidence? Come on, Yuki!” You sat up. “How can all of that just be coincidence?!”
“Maybe it’s you. You have been known to destroy things fairly easily, with that temper of yours.” Sanada commented.
You glared at him, eyes narrowing. “Why the hell are you even here?”
He scoffed, dark eyes narrowing in a glare that rivaled your own. “You don’t honestly expect us to believe such a ridiculous tale, do you? Sorry, but Middle Schoolers are not as stupid as you high schoolers.”
“Why you – !” Niou grabbed onto you before you could even get up, his arms wrapped securely around your neck and his legs rested over your own so that you couldn’t move. Niou was one of the very few people who could control your temper. Yukimura and Tezuka were a few others.
“We need to think of this rationally.” Yukimura sent you a look, making your scoff and look away. Niou’s grip remained, just to be safe.
“Is this going to turn out like that transformers movie?” Marui questioned.
“Now that is stupid.”
“Oh come on! She talks about a computer conspiracy only targeting her and I’m the crazy one?” Marui scoffed, stuffing more of the sugary treat into his mouth with a scowl.
You glared at him. “Stuff it, Pinkie.”
“My hair is not pink! It’s Fuchsia!”
“Knock it off.” Yukimura commanded, causing the pair to quiet down almost immediately. It didn’t stop the glares from being exchanged, though. “It’s most likely just a string of bad luck. It’ll pass.”
“Did you break any mirrors recently~?” Marui teased, poking your arm. You slapped his hand away.
Sanada, who had enough of the bickering, walked over and slapped both of you on the back of the head. “This is ridiculous and is getting us nowhere.”
“Where’s there to get? She’s nuts!”
“Keep talkin’ pinkie, and you’ll find out just how nuts I am.”
He stuck his tongue out at you in a taunting manner.
“Do you guys hear that? Puri~” Niou pulled away himself away from you, standing up and searching the room for the static noise he heard. The search led him to the closed laptop on the desk behind Yukimura. “Is it on?”
“No.” You responded cautiously, moving to stand next to him.
Yukimura turned around in the chair and opened the computer. He jumped in surprise, after being shocked by the computer that now had the full attention of everyone in the room. The screen blinked several times before settling to white. A large, bold L appeared, followed by a distorted voice.
“We are here for the simple purpose of taking over humanity. We will destroy you all.”
After a few minutes of near deafening silence, Marui screamed like a girl and ran from the bedroom, clutching his cotton candy and yelling something about decepticons.
“Well, that was one hell of a delayed reaction.” You muttered, staring at the door.
“Should… we be worried?” Niou cocked his head to the side, his finger resting on his chin as he stared at the computer with a thoughtful look.
“Yukimura?” Sanada questioned, wanting the opinion of his beloved Buchou.
Without a word, Yukimura stood up, turned and left the room, slamming both the bedroom and front door. The three remaining Rikkaidai students exchanged glances before scrambling to follow after Yukimura.
✦ Elsewhere ✦
The large shinigami male let out a roar of laughter as he lay in front of L’s computer.
How did he manage to get into the room? Who knows.
How is he able to use a computer? Who gives a damn.
How did he even know how to use a computer? Well, he is Light’s shinigami.
Where the hell was L while Ryuk had his fun? Trying to talk Light into going and getting him some sweets.
In the words of Shuichiro Oishi, What kind of world do we live in?